Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
