Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have demons in me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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