we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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