i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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