So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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