Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
