I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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