And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
