I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dick very happy bro
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
