do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Vodka?
Forever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
