Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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