There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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