I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize