I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i think i just lost a toe
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
