Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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