My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
