It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize