If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You smell like stripper and shame
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
