we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
