nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dicks are not precious.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
