Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
