All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize