It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
