Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
