she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
