i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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