Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
