Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
