The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
