Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize