Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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