is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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