Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
