i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
