Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
