your room smells of hookers.
And success
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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