Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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