i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
