So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
