Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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