I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
