I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
