I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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