i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize