Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
