I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
