waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
