He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize