dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
