You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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