i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
