After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize