Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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