I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
