that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it glows. i had to have it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
