You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
