All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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