I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Randomize
