Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have tasted many bathrooms
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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