we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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