I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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