Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
