Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
