Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
