i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
