Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
