If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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