You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
