Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize