I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
