just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
