I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
