So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
