Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
