I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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