I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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