Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
