Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Boobs speak an international language.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize