Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
