Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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