Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
