I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
