Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
