i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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