just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
