YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
