why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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