Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
