Will you blow on my dice?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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