Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
