is your mom at the bar?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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