Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
