she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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