he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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