you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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