I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
