stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You don't make any sense
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