True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
