onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
