you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
