just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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