it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
