you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
