I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
