I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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