it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
