Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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