going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
