I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
