I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she looked like the before picture.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
