you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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