He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
