Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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