I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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