Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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