He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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